| Things are kept private for a reason. |
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on August 29, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
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mood |
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 anxious and annoyed |
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music |
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Blue Light-The Bloc Party |
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FUCK. Today, I woke up and my lovely fucking idiot mother informed me that she had taken the liberty of opening my bag, cleaning it out, and rearranging everything inside.
To be honest, we aren't in good terms at all. I'm tired of pretending we are, because the fucking CHURCH we go to, the people around me, and her, and the families related to us are forcing me to. Without really saying.
I was pretty sure she decided to READ EVERYTHING IN MY BAG, in hopes of knowing whatever is running through my head.
Before i launch into the tirade of annoyance that is impending, let me make this clear. I get good, even excellent grades. I am always an officer of whatever organization I choose to go to. I am usually the class leader in any academic project that I must undertake. I do not get mad easily. I see no reason for her to hit us, to scream at us profanities declaring that we are horrid, unworthy children.
( Then. )
Today she wants to talk to me and my brother regarding this, though she hasn't really specified it yet.
I know i've done nothing but rant, but I'm hoping once I gain independence or in the time frame of SOON, I'll be able to write things that are happy, that aren't about her and this family and the religion that affects us.
Thank you for being there, everyone. Thank you so much.
Just knowing that i was able to voice this out makes me feel a little better,even if the situation seems bleak.
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| Meeep. |
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on June 27, 2007 @ 1:29 am
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So. I thought it would be gone after I told him and yeah, I totally thought it was.
Except for one thing.
I'm fine with being not around him and her and them and whoever-the-fuck.
But you see, when I see him,
I still get that odd twist and pull in my stomach. One that makes me want to just go grab something and drink or smoke or just.
JUST.
I need to get a move on.
Seriously.
Meh.
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| Christmas and holidays. |
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on December 27, 2006 @ 9:41 pm
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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I will love you- Fisher |
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To be honest, my life is boring. I don't even know why I'm making a GJ. Or even having blogs at all. Somewhere in between the new people and the personality shifting (again) i keep losing my sense of self-worth and identity.
Plus, I really hate the fact that I seem to need to have someone love me. Or like me. So, I guess I'm going to keep pushing people away.
I miss feeling really wanted. I miss feeling like someone wants to hug me because i'm ME. Not because I'm someone they know, or someone they just felt like being with. I dunno, I'm starting to become emo.
Whoops, i've always been one. Ha. Ha. Ha.
It's been a while now. I realize i'm actually cynical when it comes to relationships- at least those concerning me. I'm clinging to people who i think may be "lifetime" friends who might rarely ever be and pushing away at the same time. I'm cynical because I don't think anyone will actually be able to love me as I am. Except for God, but hey. He's still under debate. Plus, He's different.
See? I'm so emo emo emo emo emo emo emo that i want to throw something.
I hate the fact that I've "fallen in love" and the fact that I give my everything to someone. But, I will probably always be on the losing end of things.
I'm fucking tired.
Tired of having to deal with my neurotic parent and rambly excuse for a so-called family.
Tired of wanting someone to care for me and not hurt me and half-murder me and throw me out of the streets and stuff.
Tired of trusting and being sorry for it afterwards.
I'm just. Tired.
Okay, maybe i do, and don't want someone to be there. Both at the same time.
Right. What does this post prove? That I have issues. YES. Big issues that won't be solved.
Damn it.
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| So, i need pick me ups, yes. |
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on December 05, 2006 @ 12:18 pm
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Someone rec me a fic. WHatever.
Just rec me a fic. Whatever fandom. PLEASE?
:DDD
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| He sort of wants to crawl up into a ball and die right now. Life is a bitch. |
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on December 04, 2006 @ 9:26 pm
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Erm. I know what's my pick-me-up routine now!!! :D
Either i drink coffee. Then write. Do whatever. Then I'm fine.
Or
Drink alcohol.
I kiss random person.
Drink alcohol again.
Drink tea.
Eat.
Read slash fics on the internet.
Write fics.
Ask for more fics.
Then stare.
Yep.
I'm thanking my friend for getting me a random person to kiss today WTF. I prefer to kiss drunk people though. Or those who have no idea what the'yre doing. So that i won't be told i can't kiss. Fuck.
Pssst. Someone has to distract me.
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| Someone has to save my brain and idiocy. |
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on December 04, 2006 @ 6:12 pm
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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click! |
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Ack. Writing in a new journal, and all i can write is emo.
I'm feeling a bit...disconcerted.
I just kissed someone, and, well. I was told i can't kiss.
That's strange.
Very strange.
I need comfort food. Yesh. :O
Should i be feeling weird. Because my head is going yes! and no! all at the same time, and durh.
OMG. I sound like a twelve year old, god help me.
Isn't it strange how everything doesn't seem to make any sense MOSt of the time?
I thought so.
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